TOURNAMENT RESULTS
*My most magniticent father-leader. here are the reports submitted by Quaddeus Quo during the contest of swords that you requested. Despite his hurried and haphazard observations, I have typed them into an organized manner more befitting of your glorious creative excellence.
--Major Domo
--
CAPTAIN BRITAIN LOST TO ISCA THE UNBEATEN.
In a duel of swords, Betsy Braddock lost to Isca. Isca didn't just kIll Betsy, however--she shattered her into crystal shards that were promptly whisked away by saturnyne's attendants on our lady's orders.
THIS COULD BE AN EPISODE CLIFF-HANGER FOR THE TELEVISION EVENT. DRAFT A SCRIPT, DOMO. -MOJO
**MAGIK LOST TO POGG UR-POGG.**
Just the first time, in their arm wrestling match. There was, however a rematch. in which she trounced him.
IN OUR VERSION OF THIS FOR THE SHOW, LET'S HAVE MAGIK LOSE BOTH TIMES AND BECOME FOGG URPOGG'S LOVE INTEREST AFTERWARD -MOJO
WOLVERINE AND SUMMONER FOUGHT TO THE DEATH.
Wolverine won the tight but the point was awarded to Summoner, since the goal was fighting TO die.
DANCE-OFF
Cypher fared surprisingly well, though ARRAKO took the point.
DOMO, MAKE A NOTE FOR HEADSHOT TV THAT THERE'S SPIN-OFF POTENTIAL HERE. -MOJO
EATING COMPETITION.
At a table catered with purchases from THE CROOKED MARKET, contestants imbibed in singularity-aged Tungcheese, bryadori rotcrab mustard, inert HOTHIVE-spiced venom jam and an Earthen mayo-asparagus Jello mold. Somehow, despite revulsion or both sides, the Krakoan Cable seemed to power through.
I SEE SATURNYNE HAS BEEN WATCHING EARTH'S TELEVISION AS WELL. WHAT A HACK!!! -MOJO
DRINKING CONTEST.
Our lady drew a card for both food and drink, it seems. Down by two points, Krakoa's Storm and Wolverine participated in a drinking contest against one another, winning by default. But little did they know both would still have to compete after this, whilst entirely drunk.
RUNWAY WALK-OFF.
Arakko took the point, while Storm and Wolverine stole the show--although not because Logan was good at this. He was simply so uncomtortable that it was hard to look away from him, while Storm strutted the catwalk with a uncomfortable, swaggering walk, though it is believed this was due to her inebriation.
WOLVERINE LOSES AGAIN.
Drunk and without his powers, Wolverine was summoned to fight on Solem's behalf against War and won the point for Arakko.
LET'S GIVE NOD TO HISTORICAL ACCURACY AND ALSO MAINTAIN THE X-MEN'S OBLITERATIVE LOSING STREAK IN OUR RETELLING OF THESE EVENTS. WE'LL HAMMER IT DOWN AS WOLVERINE'S HEEL TURN. TELL MARKETING TO PREPARE FOR "THE ULTIMATE BETRAYAL!!!" -MOJO